I remember every detail of the day I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend and I were already assuming I was and went to the nearest pregnancy center to get a free test and some information. When I saw the two lines (one line meaning not pregnant), my heart dropped to the floor. I remember not hearing a word the woman across from my boyfriend and I because of the questions going through my head. “How will I move to the city with a baby?” How could I go through college?” Until she asked if I knew what my options were. I sat there for a moment and said “I need to terminate this pregnancy”. We made the mistake of going to a Pro-Life organization, and of course bombarded with the myths of being scarred for life and that it will wreck my emotional stability. I left there feeling like a criminal. Like I was killing someone with my own hands, and that feeling stayed all through the week I waited to have my abortion. I had the vacuum abortion at a women’s institute in Minnesota. There were protesters, but they had a security team keeping them at bay, so that took a little stress off my shoulders. I had to have an ultrasound done and it looked like a single cheerio in a bowl! It didn’t look remotely like a baby and if I had control over it, it never would… and I did. Everyone working was so polite and always made sure at every corner that you were sure you wanted to go through with it, and empowered you! I was under 18 and had to get a judicial bypass, which was quick and easy, and right after is when I had the procedure. It was so quick and the only painful part was the prick I felt of Novicane being injected into my cervix. It took less than 15 minutes. That same day I also had an IUD put in (Which I love, because I don’t have to take any pills or worry about it for five years). Right afterwords I was on a high of relief and happiness. I had my future back, I had my life back. I had every stress and worry off my shoulders. But my rush of relief was replaced with guilt that following week. For a couple months I beat myself up constantly. I just felt awful. But after the hormones went away I just had a sense of loss for a while, and now I hardly think about it. Every now and then I think of what my life would be like if I had kept it. Sometimes I wish I had, but most of the time I’m thankful for the fact that I have a future now. I’ve applied at colleges and taken tours… without a baby in my arms. I’ve finished high school. I’ve moved to the city and following the music… I’ve found new freedom through the choice I made. A second chance at growing up at my own pace. It’s worth it.
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